Page Layout and Synopsis ©2000 by Darcy Partridge

The One Where Chandler Can't Cry

Episode 614

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Unable to handle the idea of Ross and Jill together, Rachel asks Ross to stop seeing Jill. Jill is upset and throws herself at Ross, attempting to use him to get back at Rachel. Chandler doesn't cry in sad movies... or for any other reason. The gang discovers that Ursula is making porn movies in Phoebe's name.

The one where they said....

Ross: Something could've happened, all right? She... she really dug my slides. And she was definitely giving me the vibe.
Rachel: Right. Was it the, "Please don't show me another picture of a trilobite" vibe?

Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
Chandler: Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer!

Joey: Come on, man, there's gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh... Oh! What if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Chandler: I'd be sad, sure, but I wouldn't cry.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me, Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Cry? I just found a talking puppy! I'm rich!

The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
The Fan: Can... can I get your autograph? I'm your biggest fan.
Phoebe: Oh, you're my biggest fan? I've always wanted to meet you!

The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star!
Joey: I don't think so.
The Fan: No, no, it was! She was in Sex-Toy Story 2, Lawrence of A Labia... and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store aren't gonna believe this!
Joey: Hey Gunther! don't let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebe's a porn star!
Gunther: Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspect Her Gadget.

Rachel: I am jealous of her? I mean who does she think she is? Princess Caroline?
Monica: You're jealous of Princess Caroline?
Rachel: Do I have my own castle?

Joey: Phoebe's a porn star!
All: What?
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.

Phoebe: You're trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Okay? Yeah! Your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie!

Ross: Look I... I realized if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Rachel: What?
Ross: No, I mean... Look, I don't know if anything is going to happen with us... again... ever. But I don't want to know that it... it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.
Rachel: Wow. I... I don't even know what to say. Thank you.
Ross: You're welcome.
Monica: Oh my God! Are... are you crying?
Chandler: I just don't see why those two can't work things out!


Written by Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen
Directed by Kevin S. Bright
Reese Witherspoon as Jill Green
James Michael Tyler as Gunther
Larry Joe Campbell as The Fan
Douglas Looper as The Vampire
Aired 2/10/2000, 5/11/2000, 8/3/2000