Monica's boyfriend Pete begins competing to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion; he loses... repeatedly. Chandler's new boss has a habit of slapping him on the behind, which Chandler tries to deal with. Phoebe asks Rachel if she can set Ross up with Bonnie; Rachel agrees since Bonnie's the girl who shaves her head; Later, Rachel finds out Bonnie now has plenty of hair.
Joey: Yeah, maybe it's, like, ya know, that jock thing. You know, how football players pat each other after touchdowns.
Rachel: You know I don't... I don't understand guys. I mean I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by, ya know, grabbin' her boob.
Ross: All right, so Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance
to get you. You know, just, uh, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson, ya know? What you could do
is you could rub something that smells really bad on your butt, all right? Then
when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. Now what could you rub on your
butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey was president?
Monica: Hey, are we still on for tonight?
Pete: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, good, 'cause, um, well, maybe we could have a little workout of our own.
Hoshi: No! No boom-boom before big fight!
Monica: How about just a boom?
Rachel: You said she was bald.
Phoebe: Yeah, she was bald. She's not now.
Rachel: How could you not tell me that she has hair?
Phoebe: I don't know! I hardly ever say that about people.
Monica: Pete! Pete! That guy's pretty huge!
Pete: Don't worry. Hoshi taught me how to use an opponent's strength and weight against him.
Ross: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.
Pete: Well I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica: That guy stood on your neck until you passed out!
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create MOS 865, do
you think it just happened overnight? No. There was MOS 1, that burnt down
my Dad's garage. There was MOS 2 that would only schedule appointments in
January. And 862 others that I learned from... just like I learned from this
fight never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica: You didn't know that already?
Pete: It's okay, it's not as bad as it looks. It's a precaution. I'm not supposed to move my spine.
Monica: Please tell me you're stopping now.
Pete: I'm fine! I'd fight tonight if they'd let me. See this circle
I'm marking off here? This is my zone of terror.
Monica: You are insane! You... you gotta give this up!
Pete: I can't until I'm the ultimate fighter. I will do it. I'm telling
you, the day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me
or Superman. Now, I'm not saying I could beat Superman, but, ya know, kids are stupid.