Monica's credit card is stolen; after seeing the credit card statement, Monica decides the thief lives her life better than she does. She meets 'Fake Monica' at a dance class which was charged to her card, and suprisingly they become friends. As Mononna, she and Fake Monica have a great time... until Fake Monica is arrested. Ross' monkey, Marcel, reaches sexual maturing and starts humping everything in site; Ross has to find a zoo in which to put his pet. Joey tries to chose a stage name.
Rachel: Marcel! Bad monkey!
Ross: What?
Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.
Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
Joey: My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
Chandler: Joe... Joe... Joe... Stalin?
Joey: Stalin. Stalin. Do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me.
Joey: Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good.
Chandler: Might wanna try, "Joseph."
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
Monica: Okay, do you see anybody you think could be me?
Teacher: People! Last time there were some empty yogurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again!
Rachel: She could be you.
Teacher: Well, that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
Ross: The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin', he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! No... that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, you know, like, uh, San Diego, right?
But that may just be a pipe dream, because, you know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's, like, two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
Chandler: Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen!
Chandler: Mmm-hmm!
Phoebe: I love that joke.
Ross: We didn't get into Scranton. That was like our safety zoo. They take, like, dogs and cows.
Joey: Phoebe, what do you think a good stage name for me would be?
Phoebe: Flame Boy!
Dr. Baldharar: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's what ya mean.
Dr. Baldharar: What about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why... why... why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldharar: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Rachel: Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, you know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
Casting Director: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.