Monica takes Rachel to the hospital; Rachel has no insurance, so she and Monica switch identities--a tricky situation that is made worse when two cute doctors (guest stars George Clooney and Noah Wyle) ask them on dates; Monica and Rachel start arguing and end up listing all their worst qualities in front of their dates. Ross worries about whether he can be a good father; he seeks comfort from his friends and advice from his father. Joey continues to date Ursula, which interferes with his friendship with Phoebe--he misses her birthday; however, when Ursula stands Joey up and won't return his calls, Phoebe talks to her and finds out she isn't even planning to tell Joey it's over; Phoebe pretends to be Ursula so she can let him down nicely--a ruse which doesn't last. Marcel chokes on scrabble tiles and has to be rushed to the hospital; Ross realizes he can cope with the responsibilities of parenthood. Ugly Naked Guy has a hula-hoop.
Joey: I'm taking Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa... what about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Joey: Oh, man! What're the odds of that happening?
Ross: You take your time.
Ross (having dropped Phoebe's cake): What the hell were you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
Rachel: Was that the cake?
Ross: Yeah, yeah--I got a lemon smush.
Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute.
Rachel: I hope it's ok.
Chandler (reading): "Happy Birthday Peehee."
Monica: Well, maybe we can make a "b" out of one of those roses.
Ross: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
Dr. Rosen: So, they still seem normal.
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are normal.
Dr. Rosen: Okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out with women that we meet at the hospital, it turns into...
Dr. Mitchell: Would you relax? Look around: There are no pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners. They're fine.
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario: Say you never feel like a father. Say your son never feels connected to you as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would.
Phoebe: Is he all right?
Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the "k" out. He also found an "m" and an "o".
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out "monkey".